I’ve been there.

I can’t stress enough how many times I’ve found myself wallowing in self pity and struggling to get over someone who was never right for me in the first place. I’ve literally lost months of my life to heartbreak, and if you don’t want the same thing to happen to you, you should probably listen to what I have to say about it. Speaking from experience, I’m pretty confident in my advice.

Taking the time to cry and lie around watching rom coms with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s in your lap is fine…it’s almost therapeutic in a way. BUT, we should really allow ourselves a very limited amount of time for this vulnerable post-breakup phase. It’s not healthy to linger in this limbo for too long.

However, it totally depends on the nature of your recent relationship. Generally speaking,  recovering from a five year relationship will certainly be tougher than coming back from five months of infatuation. As a side note, I’d like to stress that the length of your relationship has no correlation to its depth. Sometimes, it takes people ten years to realize they want to spend the rest of their lives together. Other times, we know right away. My parents were dating for four months before they got engaged, and they were happily married for sixteen wonderful years before my mother passed away. Don’t laugh at the girl who says, “he’s the one” just because they’ve only been dating for four months. You have no idea how and what she’s feeling.

Some have said it takes half the length of your relationship to recover from the breakup. I disagree. No one coming out of a three year relationship should ever spend a year and a half trying to get his or her life back on track. But, I’m also not going to tell you how long you should allow for recovery because you need to define it yourself. Reflect on your relationship, assess the damages, and finalize the time you’re willing to give yourself. After that, it’s time to focus on moving forward.

Once you’re ready, how do you actually start to move on? Below are five things every girl should do once she’s past the recovery stage of a break up.

How To Bounce Back from Heartbreak And Be A Better You

1. Find support.

Turn to your friends, family or even a good book to help produce the positive thoughts you need to get you out of the post-breakup phase. If you can, avoid the therapist. Heartbreak is a common reality of life, and if you can’t do it on your own, you’re really going to struggle with it. With that being said, bottling up your emotions isn’t exactly healthy either. Finding support in other ways is perfectly healthy and normal. Sometimes, people perceiving your situation as an outsider can give the best advice. When you’re alone with your own, biased thoughts, you’re bound to do something stupid. I know I have.
 

2. Redirect your energy.

Is there something you’ve always wanted to do but never got around to it? If after a breakup you’re feeling overwhelmed with all the free time, you might be in need of a new project to help fill the gaps and distract you from falling back into the recovery period.

After my last breakup, I was feeling super sad and lonely having all that extra time to spend by myself, time that would have normally been spent with him. I wanted to start a new hobby, distract my mind for awhile before I was ready to officially let go. So, what did I do? I started this blog!

To be fair, this blog was not a direct result of a breakup. I had many other things going on in my life that led me to write more frequently than ever before. After spending hours on end finalizing a name, logo design and layout for my blog, I realized I felt much better. I was redirecting my negative energy to something I truly felt passionate about, and every day I made more and more progress.
 

3. Set goals for yourself.

There’s nothing like a little competition to kick us in the butt. Set up a specific goal in order to give yourself something to work toward. As superficial as it sounds, getting a “revenge bod” is super satisfying, as long as you’re not actually doing it to get revenge on your ex. After a breakup, your self-esteem typically takes a nosedive. The beneficial result of getting fit is that you’ll feel ten times better about yourself, which in turn boosts your confidence to insane levels. However. when it comes to fitness, I’m not really one to give advice. I’ll go to the gym once a month and consider that an attempt at a healthy lifestyle.

If working out isn’t for you, either, set up a different goal. Challenge yourself at work, aim to eat healthier or travel to your favorite nearby places at least once a week. This, too will distract you from the lonely thoughts that build up post-break up, and in the end, you’ll feel amazing when you achieve what you’ve been working toward.
 

4. Focus on friends.

If you’re the type that falls off the face of the Earth when you’re in a relationship, now’s the best time to mend and strengthen the important friendships in your life. Don’t avoid friends who are in serious relationships. If you can’t be around a couple without feeling like shit, you’ve got some work to do.

Go out to dinner, head to the beach or go on mini vacations with your closest friends. Sometimes, all you need is to feel totally comfortable around another person again. Your best friends are always people you can count on for that type of therapy.
 

5. Go on dates…when you’re ready, of course.

After my really serious post-breakup phase, I reactivated my accounts on apps like Tinder and Bumble. I was hesitant for sure, and I’m honestly still not ready to let my guard down for another dude right now. But the truth is, it felt good to put myself out there again, and sometimes, the attention can really boost your self-esteem. Even if you never respond to a single message.

After a breakup, don’t remove yourself from the dating world completely. You’re newly single, and you should take full advantage of that while you’re still young and fearless. Don’t be afraid to swipe right and meet up (in a public place) with a new guy from Bumble. Even if you end up not being into him, the mere fact that you took a chance is one step in the right direction.

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